sooooooooooo sick of the lies

*SIGH* I just got the mail and there is a new bill for $15,000. Of course the lender would not tell me anything. My name isn't on the loan. I called M and he said he took it out a few months ago to black top the driveway. Black topping the driveway costs $3,000. The SOB complains about G's school, wants C to join the military to pay for his education, and this would've paid over half of either of them. I'm crying. I want to throw up. I've had it. I soooo want a divorce. I have been reading trying to put this marriage back together again but I feel even if M would have a change of heart that my trust in him is gone. How do you get that back? When I called him just now he wasn't telling the whole truth. I could tell by the way he answered. I don't swear, but in my head I am letting them fly!
This on top of he and his sisters planning a 50th wedding anniversary party for his parents in a couple of years. It will cost each one at least $2,000 to get everything together like his mom wants. I wasn't going to say much about it. It's his parents. It could be worse. But now, I just don't have the fight in me anymore.
And then add this cherry to the top! We got a new puppy. I have been sleeping on the couch bed until she gets used to being here and a little better house trained. He tells me the other morning how nice it is to sleep alone because he can fart and not have me there complaining about it! I'm worth less than a bodily function?????
I have screwed up my life by my own doing. I've stayed with M this long because of the kids (and because God hates divorce) but I don't think I'm going to make it for N.