C

I wrote this email to someone today:

I am asking for advice this way because I am horribly embarrassed by what just happened between my son and I. I ask him questions throughout the day. I want to know how he's doing. He doesn't offer anything so it's my way of communicating with him. I do not see it as interrogation. I ask because I hope to start a conversation. He told me the other day I ask too many questions. My husband and sons and a man that my husband works with just came in to eat lunch today. When they were getting ready to leave I asked the man, B, something about his girlfriend. C, my son, and B were the only ones left in the house. Teasing C I said, "Oh, oh C. I asked B a question. Maybe I shouldn't do that, huh?" C went off on a total tirade saying how he hates coming home because of me, that I act stupid and I'm an effing (He doesn't say the word. That's what he said.) sped. I didn't say anything to C because I was so embarrassed. I don't know what in the world was going through B's head. He must think I am a terrible mother. I am so upset. I thought I would ground him until the weekend then I thought a week wouldn't be uncalled for. When people are mean to me I have a tendency to shut them out. My defense is that I build a wall and eventually I don't care what they say. I could hear my mind battling it out. "Tell him to get out when he's 18. Only talk to him when you have to." As his mom, I am fighting against doing that. I love him and I don't know why he seems to hate me so much. I tend to think he's a good kid because he's responsible, doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, or really swear, but this was so out of line. I don't know what to do about it. I feel like a failure as a mom, stupid, and like the world would be better off without me. Just over that exchange. What would you have done?

This is the answer I received:

Well, Since you wrote me off line, I am thinking you want a straight answer... So, no sugar coating. It is terribly hard as a mom to let them grow up (Remember mine are 25, 22 and 20!) but it is time to let go. You need to apologize to C for all the questions and for embarrassing HIM in front of another man.

I strongly recommend you try to curb your desire to know everything that is happening in his life - trust me, you don't REALLY want to know everything! Time to turn him TOTALLY over to God... And PRAY for him, not interrogate him. Put a lock on you lips, my friend. Pray before speaking. Show sweetness in your actions and you will win him over.

Loose lips don't just sink ships, they ruin trust. I know, sweet friend.... Been there.... Done that.

You cannot believe how much worse I feel. I really do want to know. I want us to be close. I haven't talked to my father in 30 years. I would hate for that to happen with C and I. He is 17. I am supposed to let him go? My job is done?? Good grief. Thankfully, I have A and N yet or I would be worthless!
I am afraid to talk to him at all. What if I say something else wrong? Why shouldn't he be held accountable for talking to me like that? I don't know. I have been hearing a few differences of opinions lately about a few things. If I have been wrong about a few things, am I doing anything right???

*sigh*