FEAR (from The Man You Always Wanted is the One You Already Have)

Fear manipulates our emotions, causing us to believe that we can control the severity of future hurts by holding on to past wounds. Fear causes us to cling to the memory of past emotional injuries like a shield to deflect future trauma.
But in reality, fear will only back us into an emotional prison cell, and we'll eventually find ourselves living our lives in an apprehensive, negative, and suspicious manner.
As I sat today at my computer writing, I was distracted by some horses at the ranch adjacent to our home. They frolicked and ran around all morning. It was so cute to watch them race back and forth in their expansive pasture, bucking, leaping, and even lying on their backs and wriggling all around. Our neighborhood horses sure enjoy their freedom.
But there are other horses on the ranch that, for whatever reason, are not allowed to roam free. They are kept separate in small corrals that do not afford much space to move about. There is definitely no room to run, play, wriggle on their backs, or "horse around" with their buddies.
While it's a simplistic analogy, it's actually a perfect example of the radical difference between those who know the freedom of forgiveness and those who do not. Because, as I've said before, unforgiveness will cage your heart and rob you of the joy of living, the joy of loving, and the joy of your husband's company.
A free heart is one hat loves completely, forgives easily, enjoys abundantly, and appreciates unconditionally. A bound heart is one which loves suspiciously, harbors quickly, resents immediately, and undervalues consistently.

I have always been thankful for the wall that has been built over the years that protects me. I have never wanted to take in down until I read that. It is protecting me, but what am I missing out on? I can see how hard I have become. I want to be more like Jesus and in order to do that I need to get rid of it. My wall is paralyzing me. I am suspicious. I don't trust. I want more out of my life. I want to love Mike. I want to be a better example for my children. Perfect love casts out all fear. Again, God is going to get the glory for getting me through this. I can't do it on my own. It is after all, scary, but oh so promising!